I don’t think I can cope. What’s wrong with me?

Nothing, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just HUMAN. Every single person on this planet struggles at some point. Life isn’t always easy (despite what it may look like), even the rich and wealthy face adversity. We all just have very different way of handling pressure and that is based on who we are and what makes us, US. 

Your unique way of handling challenges is as a result of what you’ve observed throughout your life, what you’ve been taught at school/home and your life experiences. They form what I like to call, a pair of glasses through which you view the world. And it explains why you may respond so differently to a situation compared to ‘everyone else’. 

The key here is to recognise how you view the world in the way you do and why. Most of you will know exactly why you respond in the way that you do – it is usually deep rooted from childhood. Every one of us has a small inner child that just needs to feel accepted, loved and wanted. And it is this same inner child that is at the core of so many mental health issues because it is where we retreat to when put under any form of pressure or stress that makes us feel, “NOT GOOD ENOUGH”. 

How much of what you feel day to day is based around, “I am not clever enough, pretty enough, buff enough, skinny enough, funny enough, happy enough, popular enough etc?” Think about it. If you are someone who struggles with coping day to day or can’t stop comparing yourself to others who seem to have it all, stop and just think for a second. What are you telling yourself? What do you truly think about yourself? Do you tend to self-criticise? Blame yourself even?

Well, if there’s nothing else you take away from this article, I would say to you, please just STOP. If you say things to yourself that you would never say to another human being, STOP. If you blame yourself for everything going wrong in your life, STOP. It doesn’t help. It just makes you feel worthless and over time will lead to a whole myriad of mental health issues.

I know this first-hand. As a pharmacist who had held a senior national role at the age of 30, I had it all. Great job, a house in London, fancy car, lovely family, holidays abroad, very popular with a busy social life etc. And from the outside that’s what it looked like. I was a hugely confident and bubbly person.  But on the inside I was in turmoil. I knew I wasn’t happy but my own coping mechanisms, my ‘glasses’ had made me push myself my whole life by being hard on myself. Always striving to be better. I didn’t know any other way. I told myself that I ‘perform better under pressure’ but subjecting yourself to high levels of stress over a prolonged period isn’t good for you. It can (and does) lead to sickness. 

I put up with chronic insomnia and stress for many years. I ended up drinking, eating and socialising to numb the feelings of unhappiness. But, in the end it got too much for me, like it does with most people and I ended up being signed off work with depression. What had started off as ‘a bit of stress’ ended up being something so much worse. And, like many others, including the poor late Caroline Flack, I told no one, I suffered in silence. I was terrified as to what people would think of me. That they would think I was weak and unable to cope.

Now, having come through the other side and spent a few years working with a coach on changing my own ‘glasses’ to something much more positive and helpful I can tell you that I was wrong. SO wrong. I should have confided in others and sought help much earlier. Since going public on my own mental health issues and setting up The Mental Wealth Academy to help train and coach others, I have been overwhelmed by the support I have received from my colleagues and friends. Some of whom are going through their own struggles and have been motivated to also seek help.

So if you are reading this and are someone who may be feeling stressed, anxious, low or just unable to cope. I would say to you, it is NORMAL. Many people feel like this. They just don’t talk so openly about it. One of the best things you can do to overcome these feelings is to start to work on yourself. In our busy lives we seldom stop to take stock and assess where we are and how we feel about it all. This is a good practice to get into. Try taking yourself away from your environment to a place where you can really think for a few hours and start thinking about how you treat and speak to yourself. What kind of messages are playing in your head day to day? Are they helpful? How does it make you feel? Do you want to continue motivating yourself in this harmful way? Whilst you’re taking the time out, also start to think about your ‘glasses’. Are things really as, bad as they seem or is it just your interpretation of the situation? What could be an alternative interpretation?

Another way you can start to change how you see things is by practising personal development. It is so much easier now to watch motivational, inspiriting and lifting things on sites like YouTube. Personal development is becoming much more mainstream and it needs to be! Think of it as exercise for your mental wellbeing. It’s just as important as physical exercise. If you find yourself struggling (which even I still do on some days!) try listening to or reading the likes of Tony Robbins, Les Brown, Jim Rohn, Mel Robbins or even Oprah Winfrey amongst many others! It will instantly life and re-energise you. 

And finally, reach out to others, tell them what’s going on and how they can help you. A lot of the time people are unsure of what to do or say – tell them! It might just be that you want them to check in with you from time to time. Or go for a coffee, or a walk with you to help rejuvenate your mind. Thankfully, mental health awareness is helping to break the stigma and normalise these common problems so you may be surprised by how people react.

Remember, it’s not a weakness admitting how you are really feeling, it takes a strong person to recognise, speak up and then act upon these feelings. Stop beating yourself up and stop comparing yourself to others. You are a wonderful, beautiful and unique human being. Out of 7 billion people on this planet there is only one of you so embrace yourself, love yourself and go live your best life.